


Your Lifeline

by JustFolieADeuxIt



Category: Formula 1 RPF
Genre: Accident, Angst, Drama, Emotional Hurt/Comfort, F/M, Fluff, Hospitals, Hurt/Comfort, ICU, M/M, Multi, Tragedy
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2014-10-21
Updated: 2014-10-21
Packaged: 2018-02-22 01:31:49
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Graphic Depictions Of Violence
Chapters: 1
Words: 3,169
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/2489522
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/JustFolieADeuxIt/pseuds/JustFolieADeuxIt
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Post 2014 Season - Will anything ever be the same?</p>
            </blockquote>





	Your Lifeline

**Author's Note:**

> This is fiction, written by me. I made up the teams for 2015. This is mostly centered around Jules and how the drivers are trying to move forward without forgetting him. and I try to be tasteful in respect to him and his family. This is in no way to gain attention to his accident. It's just something written to help get my mind off of everything.

Fernando looked at his clock for the tenth time that night, the bright red letters burning his eyes. It was nearly 4 AM and he still hadn't slept. It was impossible due to multiple reasons. The first being the fact it was freezing in England and his new apartment had broken heating. The second reason being that his best friend was still in the ICU, in Japan, and he couldn't stop thinking about him.

He reluctantly pushed his comforter off and sat up, reaching over to the bedside table where his Iphone lay. He picked it up and clicked the home button, the screen illuminating the small bedroom. He had an unread text from Sergio. 

"Do you want to get coffee tomorrow?"

Fernando put a hand to his chin, debating on an answer. It was nothing against the young Mexican. They were close friends, but lately Fernando didn't want to go out in public. He didn't want to face the light of day. Everything still hurt, everything felt fragile. His thumbs hovered over the screen, before he finally replied with "Sure."

It was the middle of December, the 2014 F1 season was over and Fernando Alonso was set to drive for McLaren-Honda in 2015. His team-mate would be Jenson Button, who retained his seat. Winter Testing wasn't for another 6 weeks and he was wondering if being around the other drivers would help or make it worse.

He lay back down, watching his phone. Why did he think Sergio would be awake still? Was he expecting a reply right away? He groaned and clicked the phone off and put it back on the table. He curled up tightly under his covers and tried to think of something nice, something soothing.

\----  
The next morning, Fernando dragged himself from the warmth of his bed and had a shower that verged on the cold side. The pipes didn't seem to heat up quick enough. Once he was dressed and had shaved, he texted Sergio, asking where they should meet.

Sergio lived only a half hour away, having signed to stay with Force India for another season, he kept his apartment close to the base. He was about to head out the door when he got Fernando's text. 

"I'll head over to your place and we can drive somewhere. See you soon." He replied.

Fernando sat on the couch, waiting. He only then realized how little sleep he'd got last night. His eyes felt heavy and his body ached. He leaned against the pillows and yawned, letting his eyelids fall. The numbness of sleep didn't last long, as he was startled awake at the loud knocking on his door.

"It's me." Sergio called through the door.

Fernando stumbled to his feet and opened the door, looking at his friend. The last time he'd actually spent time with Sergio was after the last race in Abu Dhabi. He looked different now. His hair was a bit longer. It reminded him of when he was driving for Sauber. He was in jeans and a hoodie, covered in a light dusting of snowflakes. 

"It's snowing." Sergio said.

"Yeah.. Was it now snowing where you live?"

"Was raining." Sergio said, stepping inside. "How have you been?"

Fernando closed the door, then leaned against it, searching for words. "I've been better. You?"

"I think we've all been better.." Sergio agreed, looking around. ".. So, this is your place?"

The Spaniard nodded. "It's shit, but.. Until I get my first check from McLaren, I can afford this and this only."

"It's freezing in here.." Sergio murmured, tapping on the thermostat. "This is broken."

"Yes, it is.." Fernando sighed, walking into the kitchen and grabbing his wallet from the table. He scanned his eyes over the fridge, where a photo of him and Jules was hanging from under a Ferrari magnet. 

"Did you hear about Esteban?" Sergio asked.

Fernando whirled around. "What happened?" He asked, his first thought was that something bad had happened.

"He got the deal with Lotus." Sergio told him.

"Oh.." Fernando breathed, relaxing. "That's good.. He'll have better luck with them." 

Sergio nodded and then looked him over. "You look tired.."

Fernando walked back over to where he was and sighed. He bit his lip, unable to find an easy way to talk about his sleeping troubles. He simply pulled Sergio into a hug. "It's nice to have a friend around.. The silence has been torture."

Sergio nodded, feeling better himself upon being embraced. "We just all need to stick together. Jules wouldn't want us all to be so distant. I think when testing starts.. All of us should meet up at someone's place and we can just.. Have a night.. All of us, where we just talk and.. Have some food."

Fernando nodded, letting go of him. "Sounds good to me. I think the others would agree. But for now.. Where do you have in mind for coffee?"

"This place a few miles from here. Come on." Sergio said, heading out the door.

Fernando followed him down the stairs of the apartment complex and out on to the cold, snowy sidewalk. When they got into the car, Sergio tuened on the heater and reversed out of the parking space.

"How's your Winter Break so far? Been up to anything?" Fernando asked quietly.

"Spent some time in Mexico with my family.. I just got back 3 days ago. I have some events to go to with Nico.. But I still have a few weeks before all of that. What about you?"

"Not much... Just.. Sitting around I guess." He breathed, looking out the window.

\----

Nico tapped his thumbs on the steering wheel lightly as he drove down the streets that led to Esteban's house. The young Soon-to-be Lotus driver had just got back from a trip to Mexico to see his family and had needed someone to come pick him up from the airport. He'd arrived to a very snowy and cold England. 

Esteban was asleep in the passenger seat, curled up under a blanket. His head was leaning against the fogged up window. He'd drifted off about 5 minutes into the 50 minute drive from the airport to his house. 

Nico pressed on the brakes at a red light and then adjusted the heat settings, wondering why it seemed his car almost felt colder than it did outside. His gaze shifted to Esteban, who was waking up.

"Hulk.." He murmured, sitting up groggily. "Are we almost there?"

"Yeah. Like.. 5 more minutes." Nico replied, driving again.

Esteban rubbed his eyes and then shoved his glasses on. "Suddenly I wish I hadn't left Mexico."

"It's just a little snow." Nico smirked, turning into a neighbourhood with tall, white houses. 

"It's cold." Esteban murmured. "And wet and slippery and ugh, it makes me so tired."

"Wasn't Switzerland like this?"

"Yeah.. More or less."

"I'm so glad we'll be living in the same Country now." Nico replied. 

"Yeah, me too. New team, new house, new city." Esteban sighed happily. "It's a good change."

Nico had been ecstatic to learn that Lotus was taking Esteban for the 2015 season. He'd helped him find a house and helped him pack and ship his things from Switzerland.

When Nico pulled into the driveway, he looked over and smiled. "Hope you're not too tired, we got invited to Sergio's for dinner later."

"What time?" Esteban asked, reaching into the back seat for his bags.

"Like 6:30.. It's 2 now."

Esteban nodded. "Okay.. Should I drive? Or do you wanna' come back and get me?"

"I can come back and get you.. " Nico offered. "It's not a problem."

"Okay.. Thanks." Esteban said, trying to get out of the car without slipping. "See you later then."

Nico waved and then reversed out of the driveway.

\----  
Fernando was back in his apartment after a few hours out with Sergio. He was curled up on the couch, scrolling endlessly through articles and pages of news on Jules' crash.

He'd seen photos, seen the video, but one thing he hadn't seen was Jules himself. The drivers had gotten a chance to have a short visit to the Marussia driver at the Hospital in Japan, but Fernando had refused. He'd been too upset and he couldn't bare the thought of seeing a friend in such bad condition.

Now he just felt guilty. Every bit of him wanted to just hop on a plane to Japan to be with Jules. But he couldn't, at least not alone. He was going through the list of drivers in his head, wondering who'd go back with him. Most of the drivers were trying to stay positive and look forward. No one would want to go back to the place that they were just starting to forget about.

It wasn't that they were forgetting about Jules, but they didn't want to think about that race. They didn't want to think about Suzuka or Japan or the sound of wet tyres screeching along the puddled dark asphalt. 

After he had a moment to collect his thoughts, he scrolled through his contacts and then hit 'Call' on Jenson's name.

It rang twice before the Brit answered. "Hello my soon-to-be team-mate." Jenson said, sounding better than Fernando felt.

"Hey." The Spaniard replied, with a light sigh. "I need to ask you a huge favour.. Really huge."

"Yeah, go for it." Jenson said.

"Will you go to Japan with me..? Like.. Tonight?"

"Japan? What?" 

"Jenson.." Fernando started. "I need to go back. I need to see him."

".. I don't know if it's a good idea.. I think his parents want some privacy right now."

"I need to see him.. What if it's my only chance? I was the only one who didn't go in and see him before we went to Russia, Jenson. I can't stand it.."

Jenson was silent for a moment. He could hear the agony in his friends voice. He was there when he'd refused to go in. He knew it had been to fresh, too painful.

"Yeah, mate.. I'll go with you."

Fernando took a breath. "You will? Really?"

"Yeah. What time do you want to leave? I can pack a bag and be at your place in an hour.. We could have dinner at yours, and then fly out after midnight?"

"Yeah, that sounds good.. Look, I really appreciate you doing this for me."

"Don't worry about it.. I think we all want to be able to be with him right now."

"Yeah.."

"I'll be over in a bit." Jenson said, before saying goodbye and hanging up to go pack.

Fernando let out a sigh of relief. He felt better just knowing that he'd be in Japan by tomorrow and with someone he trusted.

\----  
At 5:20, Nico arrived back at Esteban's house and honked the horn. He knew they had to leave early since Sergio's place was quite a bit away.

The younger driver emerged from his house, now with a long coat on over his clothes. He quickly got into Nico's car and shut the door. "Sorry, I was on the phone with the water company. They haven't turned my water on yet and I was going to have a hot shower but no." Esteban murmured, rolling his eyes.

"That's shit." Nico murmured, checking his mirrors as he backed out of the driveway. "So.. We didn't get a chance to talk earlier, you know, since you fell asleep."

Esteban laughed lightly. "Sorry."

"How was Mexico?" The German asked.

Esteban looked out the window. "It was good.. I mean, I don't know. It was weird.."

"Weird?"

"Everything's been weird since Japan. I mean.. Okay, so we all have to go on with our normal lives, but.. There is not one day I don't stop and think about what happened in Japan, Nico. Every single day, I wake up and think of Jules.. I think of Adrian and Max and the whole thing." 

Nico was silent for a moment, then sighed heavily and stopped at a light. He watched people as they crossed the busy streets. "It sucks.. I know." He murmured, reaching over to grab Esteban's hand for a moment. He held it until the light turned green, then let go and returned it to the steering wheel.

Esteban wished Nico didn't have to let go. He loved it when he showed his affection. He went back to looking out the window. "I've only been to Sergio's twice.. I forget how crowded it is over here." He said, trying to change the subject.

"It's fucking packed. Out of all places he could've moved.. He chose the complete center of the city." Nico murmured, shifting in his seat. He'd done so much driving that his back was sore.

They managed to arrive on time and were surprised to see a few other cars were already taking up the driveway. 

"Are there others here?" Esteban asked.

"Yeah. I forgot.. He said he invited a few others." Nico replied, taking the keys out of the ignition and getting out of the car.

"Who?" Esteban asked, following him up to the door.

"No clue." Nico said, knocking.

Sergio quickly let them in. "Hey. Hurry, come in. It's freezing." He said, shutting the door behind them.

Esteban looked around the small house, noticing 2 other guys standing in the dining room with beers. One was Lewis and the other was Max.

Sergio led them over to the others and offered them drinks, which Nico gladly accepted. Esteban shook his head and sat on one of the bar stools. He was thrown off at the fact Max was there. Everything felt awkward now.

"Okay, so.. Jenson was supposed to be here as well, but something came up, so it's just us. Dinner will be ready in a bit.. Sit where you wish and if you need anything, let me know." Sergio said, heading into the kitchen to check on the food.

Esteban followed him. "Hey."

Sergio grinned. "Loving the snow?"

"Oh yeah, of course." Esteban said sarcastically, watching as Sergio stirred something in a pot.

"How's the new house?"

"It will be perfect when they turn the water on." Esteban replied, helping carry things to the table.

"Ha. If they don't turn it on soon, your pipes will freeze." 

"Great."

Nico watched them for a moment, then looked at Max, who'd seated himself at the table and was staring at his bottle of beer. He went over and sat across from him. 

"Hey."

Max looked up. "Hey, Nico."

"How've you been?"

The Brit was silent, fiddling around with a fork. He didn't know what to say. He didn't really want to be there, but he assumed maybe it would make him feel better to be around friends. 

"I'm okay." He said finally, then took a swig from the bottle. "I just keep having dreams.. You know."

Nico nodded. "Yeah, Esteban too." He said quietly.

\----  
Jenson arrived at the apartment complex that Fernando was living at and headed inside the main doors, carrying a duffel bag of things he was bringing to Japan. He headed up a few flights of stairs after groaning at the "Broken" sign that was poorly taped to the elevator. When he reached door #209 he knocked.

"Nandoooo" He called.

Fernando opened the door and smiled slightly. "Hey.. Come in." He said, stepping aside to let him in.

Jenson looked around. "This is.."

"Shit, I know. I'm waiting for my check."

Jenson nodded. "Still.. You could've stayed with me until you were able to get something a bit more.. Uhm, nice."

"Nah, it's fine." Fernando murmured, waving his hand in dismissal.

After ordering a pizza and eating while they watched TV in the livingroom, the two headed to the car to begin their hour drive to the airport.

After going through customs and waiting for their 12:05 AM flight, they were finally sitting aboard the plane. Fernando glanced out the window and took a deep breath. He'd written an e-mail to Jules' father, asking if it was okay to visit his son. Of course, he'd gotten a reply saying that it would be nice for Jules to have a close friend spend a bit of time with him. 

After a very long flight, the two arrived in Japan. It was a clear but cold morning in Tokyo. They had a long drive from there to the Hospital near Suzuka and Fernando was feeling anxious and nervous. Every minute seemed fragile.

When they finally arrived at the hospital, Fernando walked through the front doors with Jenson close behind him. They told the front desk that Jules' parents had left them permission to visit. 

"Okay.. You must be Fernando and Jenson. I'll just need to see some identification." The lady replied, smiling softly.

They handed over their ID's and she approved them. 

"Okay, you're going to go up the stairs to your right and then go straight down the hall to the ICU. Ask for his room and they'll buzz you in. I'm pretty sure his parents are on their way as well." She told them.

"Okay, thank you very much." Jenson said, as he and Fernando headed towards the stairs. 

When they got to the second floor, they walked down the hall until the got to the door labeled "ICU". Fernando was starting to feel sick. He wasn't sure if he could do this.

"Ready?" Jenson asked, his finger resting on the call button of a dial pad on the wall.

".... Yeah."

Jenson got them buzzed in and a nurse pointed to the room they needed. He reached out and took Fernando's hand as they walked to the door.

Fernando was breathing deeply, his stomach was in knots and he wanted to run. He wanted to be with Jules, but not like this. He didn't like this environment.

".. Do you wanna go in alone?" Jenson asked. "I can stay here and wait for his parents.. Then we'll come in."

"Yeah.. Okay." Fernando replied, his hand on the door. He slowly pushed it open and stepped inside.

The room was dark, not pitch black, but dark enough to not be harsh on the eyes. Machines were scattered around the bed that held the injured driver. He was hooked to a ventilator and multiple monitors that showed his heart rhythm and other vitals. His head was bandaged lightly and there were multiple needles connected to tubes stuck in his arms and hands.

Fernando slowly looked from the floor to the bed, his eyes scanning Jules carefully. It looked bad, it really did. It looked as bad as he'd pictured it in his mind. Every time a machine beeped, he had to remember to breathe himself.

He stepped forward and made his way over to a chair beside the bed and sat down. Reaching out, he gently grazed his fingers over the hand that wasn't as stuck with needles.

"Jules.." He whispered, his eyes filling with tears quickly. "I miss you.." He breathed, squeezing his eyes shut.


End file.
